A Letter To My Toddler November 9, 2015 – Posted in: News, Sprouts Mama
I think we would both agree that saying today has been a hard day is an understatement.
After you (eventually) went to bed, I sat down with a cuppa and I cried. Not the gut wrenching sobs that hurt your chest kind of crying but the kind that slide silently down your face that you almost don’t know are there until your eyes are red and sore. I don’t think you know about those kinds yet but I think they are the worst kind.
I cried because today you made me feel that I wasn’t a good enough Mama. I know you didn’t mean to and it’s not your fault, I understand that you are frustrated and can’t always explain what you need from me but please Sprout, stop screaming at me. I’m frustrated too – when you tell me that you need juice and then throw it across the floor at me and lay on your belly screaming louder, I don’t understand. I don’t understand why, after a long long day you won’t settle down in bed – I’d give anything to cuddle up in mine!
I try really hard Sprout. I’m trying to be the best Mama I can be and I’m working as hard as I can to make sure you have everything you need. On days like today, I feel like I need to try harder – try harder to understand what you need, try harder not to get frustrated when you don’t stop screaming and pulling on my trousers and try harder to not raise my voice when you raise yours but I need you to do something for me Sprout. I need you to try too. I know that’s a big ask for such a little person so how about we make a deal? I will teach you the words you need and you can use them to tell me how I can help?
One thing I need you to know Sprout, no matter how hard some days are or how cranky we get with each other, I will ALWAYS love you. I’m sure there is a Mama rule that says I’m not supposed to say this but I always want to be honest with you, there will be days when I don’t like you very much (there will be days when you don’t like me either Sprout) and today was one of those days but as I watch you cuddled up in bed, sleeping soundly and looking just like that tiny baby I held in my arms not so long ago, my heart aches with the love I have for you.
Being your Mama is the hardest job I have ever had and I know this is only because I am so desperate to get it right and to help you become the best person you can possibly be – we are team and we have been since the day I found out I was going to be your Mama so Sprout, tomorrow will be a better day baby and if it isn’t, that’s OK we will just try again the next day.
I love you to Pluto’s moon and stars and back Sprout.
Love your Mama